The Sleep That Brings No Solace
by Ayumu Kasuga
Summary: it's angsty.. Subaru doesn't lock himself up Within, but it's just a series of dreams he has...RR plz! SubxSei pairing
1. Chapter 1

...This kinda wrote itself.. in a way.. I'd first intended this one to be a songfic.. but it.. just didn't WANT to.. O.O

DISCLAIMER: I don't own X/1999... o .. but I Wish to.. so.. ...que?

Subaru Sumeragi walked in his apartment, sitting down in his bleak apartment with a sigh. He was wearing white.. appropriately showing his role in destiny- a Dragon of Heaven, chosen to protect the Earth, and it's final savior. However, the pristine innocence of the color was destroyed by the dark, red blood dripping from his hand, and splattering his white clothes.

He thought of the moment his love, soul, and Wish died- all because of one person.. on Sakurazuka Seishiro...

"Seishiro-san.. why? Did you really mean what you said when you told me you loved me? Or was it one of your lies, designed to rip me apart when I was foolish enough to believe them, and when you were always there to remind me you weren't who I fell in love with? To remind me that I gave my love to.. to some.. ILLUSION?"

Tears suddenly rose unbidden to his emerald-green eyes, as he fought to quench the building mass of salty water... But he soon gave up, and let them flow freely down his face. But there was no Hokuto, or the kind vet that Subaru knew back nine years ago, to cheer him up again.. Both of them had died with his most his hope.. The rest of it, the Sakurazukamori had twisted, so it became a sick fancy.. a Wish...

Subaru sat there for many moments?seconds?minutes?hours? He didn't know.. But the agony in his heart, kept deep inside him for so many years, was just too much to bear for the onmyoji.

He wasn't stupid- he knew that if he committed suicide, Japan's already unstable balance would surely collapse. And what kind of greeting would he get from Hokuto-chan, Grandmother, and Seishiro-san, anyways? He could already guess the welcome he'd get from Hokuto-chan.. a nice scold, accompanied by several ear-piercing shrieks about wasting his life. And from Lady Sumeragi- she'd most probably rebuke him about the spirituality of Japan, now unbalanced, and make him blush like he hadn't since he was sixteen years old. And Seirshiro-san.. well..

Subaru didn't want to think anymore.. So he did the only thing he _could_ do-sleep. But the sleep he slept brought no solace, and no rest. None of the usual refreshment it brought to one's body that came after a healing sleep could not be found anywhere near him.. But that hadn't happened ever since the fateful day he learned about the **true** identity of the Sakurazukamori.. and Seishiro-san.

So Subaru slept on, never awakening, just sleeping in that pose he had for so long.. agonizing grief, but still achingly beautiful. But the dreams he had still haunted him..

There was no rest for Subaru.. until he found his own peace with destiny...

Aww.. poor Subaru-chan! I literally cried QUARTS when I wrote this.. very sad...

I'll be writing the next few chapters soon.. so PLEASE be patient!

thanx to my friend Sarah-chan, who beta-ed this, and told me her opinion of this.. you can do it too..just by clicking that leetle button marked 'Submit Review'.. go on! as Nike says.. "DO IT!"


	2. Chapter 2

The second installment to 'The Sleep that Brings No Solace'.. what else?

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"Subaru-chaan!" A mirror image of himself at age sixteen, only in a Victorian-style dress, the hem of the elaborate costume trailing behind her as she ran towards a green-eyed, slim young man. A tall, handsome, golden-eyed man followed her, looking as if he'd just gotten out from work in some veteranarian's office.

"Okaeri, Subaru-kun." The man's voice softly echoed in the 25-year-old's mind. Subaru's whole frame tensed, as if the golden-eyed man could see him there. Subaru's hand went out, as if he could touch that fleeting figure of his dreams.

'_Dreams_." Subaru realized. "_That's all he is now.. just dreams._"

"Haven't you realized that already?" A quiet voice asked him. He whirled around, and saw the yumemi of the Dragons of Heaven, Hinoto.

"This is all you can have of him now. He's gone, Sumeragi-san." Hinoto tried, but Subaru's eye never left her's, as if he could pry the truth from her.

Subaru refused to answer, because if he did, that would make it seem real. He could just ignore that fact, and keep on dreaming, as if he could just make the reality a dream, and the dream a reality.

"Please.. You've got to help us.. We can't win against-" Hinoto pleaded, only to be inturrupted by Subaru.

"Against what? The Dragons of Earth? Your sister?" Hinoto flinched at the mention of Kanoe. "You know that I can't make a kekkai anymore, so what's the point of trying to recruit me? There's nothing in this world I want to protect anymore.. I just want to DIE! Do you understand me? I just want to tear my heart out here, and now!"

The uncharacteristic outburst from the Sumeragi Head startled the pale Dreamseer. A white hand laid on his heaving shoulder, as Subaru quietly began to weep, wishing that his dreams could just give him the peace he wanted.


End file.
